Helpy, I used to give many fucks, but now I have no more fucks to give. Where do I obtain more fucks?
The obvious answer would be Las Vegas, but this actually does not work, as Las Vegas does not have an offsale license, thus the famous saying “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. This is also why there are no souvenir shops in Las Vegas.
Your problem is a basic macroeconomics problem; you have an export/import imbalance in your fuck trade. You might think that protectionist policies would help, but actually they will make your problem even worse. So what you need is trade liberalization.
Your best strategy is to allow Rush Limbaugh to find out that you are trying to liberalize fucks. He will react in a hilariously inappropriate way without bothering to find out what happened. When President Obama calls to assure you that he doesn’t think you’re a slut, explain your problem to him; since the Clinton presidency, the President of the US has had legal authority to disburse extra fucks to people who need them.
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