What on earth is a cat barrow?
Exactly what the name suggests; a hill containing one or more cat burial chambers. As you are well aware, cats can make a stupendous amount of noise in the middle of the night, when they are unreasonably awake. The risk of a cat becoming one of the wakeful dead is widely regarded as far too high to take chances with.
Should you need to build a cat barrow, here is what you must know.
- The hill must have a good northern exposure, which is where the door goes. But wait! If you are in the southern hemisphere, you want a southern exposure. The point is that the cat can avoid looking directly into the sun, which hurts their highly sensitive eyes.
- Cats appreciate a crinkly wicker basket. Do not cover the wicker with cloth; they like sinking their claws into it.
- Traditionally, the cat should be buried with two or three human children, to serve as playmates and feeders in the afterlife. The children should be at least twelve years old; old enough to learn not to pull tails!
- Being a tube cat gets boring within a century or two. Do not wrap the cat tightly. (This was a common mistake in ancient Egypt, which is why their houses often smelled of cat poop that no one could find to clean up. Ghost cats are wrathful!)
- Make sure there’s a chimney to attract bats. Bats are delightful playthings.
- Before sealing yourself in, make sure your will is up-to-date.
Keep these simple steps in mind, and you should have a wonderful cat barrow experience!