Dear Helpy, I wished on a monkeypaw that my blog would get more hits and my great-aunt was hit by a meteor. What doooo? Should I sue for false advertising?

Don’t be ridiculous.  Read the fine print; you agree to indemnify and hold harmless Monkey Paw LLC for any unintended consequences of your thoughtless wish.  Just sell the meteor to a person who studies meteors (a meteorologist), who can use it to determine whether there is life in space!

The trick to successful use of a monkey paw is to remember that it can only corrupt wishes; it cannot corrupt clever schemes which could not possibly backfire or have unintended consequences.  Remember also that you can coerce a monkey paw by putting some candy corn in a vase with a narrow neck; the monkey paw cannot let go of the corn and becomes trapped.